Why Settle for the Lesser Evil?
America’s only honest political PAC. We track, rate, and endorse the politicians and corporate carve-outs that create maximum chaos, greed, and suffering for our realm.
Donald J. Trump
A once-in-a-millennium infernal prodigy. The gold-plated escalators, the $399 high-top sneakers, digital trading cards of himself dressed as an astronaut, and turning national governance into a high-stakes WrestleMania cage match. The man never apologizes, treats loyalty like a feudal blood oath, and keeps cable news in a perpetual state of cardiac arrest. The Ninth Circle gave him an immediate honorary doctorate in Discord.
Current Infernal Endorsements
Whether trading defense stock options or drafting 9,000-page riders, these statesmen exemplify underworld excellence.
Donald J. Trump
“I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters, OK? It’s, like, incredible.”
Bob Menendez
“For 30 years, I have withdrawn thousands of dollars in cash from my personal savings account, which I have kept for emergencies.”
Rep. Nancy Pelosi
“We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.”
Sen. Mitch McConnell
“Think of me as the Grim Reaper. None of that stuff is going to pass. None of it.”
Sen. Mike Lee
“Democracy isn’t the objective; liberty, peace, and prospefity are. We want the human condition to flourish. Rank democracy can thwart that.”
Sen. Ted Cruz
“Wanting to be a good dad, I flew down with them last night and am flying back this afternoon.”
Joe Biden
“No joke, folks! My word as a Biden. You know, back in 1974...”
Sen. Chuck Schumer
“The most dangerous place in Washington is between Chuck Schumer and a camera.”
Who deserves this week's coveted Golden Pitchfork for Maximum Chaos?
Cast your vote below. One ballot per soul.
Bills Satan Passionately Endorses
Why write a simple bill when you can write a 9,000-page loophole?
The 9,400-Page Midnight Omnibus Spending & Subsidies Act
Introduced at 2:14 AM on a Thursday, voted on by Friday afternoon. Features $400B in classified military line items, a tax deduction for yachts owned by offshore holding companies, and a provision criminalizing rainwater collection.
The Billionaire Private Jet Aviation Decarbonization Voucher
Grants $8.2 billion in tax rebates to private Gulfstream owners who promise to think deeply about renewable energy while cruising at 45,000 feet to Davos.
Dispatches from the Prince of Darkness
Unfiltered political commentary straight from the Ninth Circle.
The Gospel of the Contrarian Dog: Why Lucifer Always Fades the Public
Nothing delights the Underworld quite like 85% of the public sprinting off the same cliff together. Whether betting Week 9 football spreads or electing Senate committee chairs, here is why Satan always backs the ugly, unhinged underdog.
Why I Refuse to Settle for the Lesser Evil in 2028
Every four years, voters are told to hold their noses and choose the lesser evil. To that I say: how insulting. Vote for the greatest evil.
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